tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15426532774615867472024-03-14T04:14:17.541-05:00Life's Little SurprisesThe Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-57028620535704364202009-03-21T21:19:00.006-05:002009-03-21T22:31:14.785-05:00Mother's GuiltGuilt. I don't remember ever really feeling guilty until I became a mother. Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? Am I doing it right? Wrong? Too high-strung? Too laid-back? I just pray for grace as I do the best I can.<br /><br />Then the second child <em>finally</em> came along. He is, well how should I put this, a needy little guy. Maybe I'm not tending to his needs as promptly as I did his brother's at this age? Speaking of his brother, am I spending enough time with him? I'm suppose to be reading more with him and practicing his handwriting. All hard to do with a baby at the teat. <br /><br />I just realized I forgot my due date for my 4th pregnancy, which ended in September 2008 at 12 weeks. He would have been 1 on the 20th. A one year-old! And I forgot. My other two angels had due dates back in January, and they never crossed my mind. Sigh.<br /><br />God grant me peace, serenity and grace.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-54937645678705022572009-03-19T12:34:00.008-05:002009-03-19T12:48:33.958-05:00Worst blogger EVER!!Hi! I found a few new addictions! No time to blog when I'm busy...<br /><br />Facebooking... (enough said, it's that bad! Is Facebooking a verb??) After all, who has time to upload pictures to Facebook & a blog?<br /><br />My new love... photography! Who wouldn't love to take pictures of these precious subjects... <br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1I2Lf4-5YQw0Ma8K9QMpXi-VABa8VMAvT-w-FFNhmC-l7-uUR4vnbM51B7cHUn_DnklKFv1qT4xHooMWoIF-B01FJhT4K51Z5V8DhqkS2buQvzBTXAouRcpOsrsjfY5bmYeYaVt3kW9s/s1600-h/cutemh.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1I2Lf4-5YQw0Ma8K9QMpXi-VABa8VMAvT-w-FFNhmC-l7-uUR4vnbM51B7cHUn_DnklKFv1qT4xHooMWoIF-B01FJhT4K51Z5V8DhqkS2buQvzBTXAouRcpOsrsjfY5bmYeYaVt3kW9s/s400/cutemh.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314955505631851058" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixgJ7eMQ5vxfu-FRJsJ_KUefeub1H8PGvVsn9mpIYbSvH1KOOSk6hDQOw1bufuSE9pOYYUIkienabTG6lTVKdO7raXWCTX-KYi1kkpfrHOfnKMJHdxp8i_joAqqNRsaIlpP6pCNX4xx74/s1600-h/cutemj2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixgJ7eMQ5vxfu-FRJsJ_KUefeub1H8PGvVsn9mpIYbSvH1KOOSk6hDQOw1bufuSE9pOYYUIkienabTG6lTVKdO7raXWCTX-KYi1kkpfrHOfnKMJHdxp8i_joAqqNRsaIlpP6pCNX4xx74/s400/cutemj2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314955711533025698" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj32dWrxWkUeFOvAQ09LcVp_wx7NJAPCGakvgbVf0hiwVAeTCpIjbEiH-eoqNwu1YeOhIGWeaE6nLIZrBeGfZsHywDlOBeOTLNOEDCkns1EEhJIA_Mu7qzReAbYDNuihnu7zXh-Kxtcvzw/s1600-h/owenhat2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj32dWrxWkUeFOvAQ09LcVp_wx7NJAPCGakvgbVf0hiwVAeTCpIjbEiH-eoqNwu1YeOhIGWeaE6nLIZrBeGfZsHywDlOBeOTLNOEDCkns1EEhJIA_Mu7qzReAbYDNuihnu7zXh-Kxtcvzw/s400/owenhat2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314955947093269762" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBS8ChkJU6f_rlfQ91_MowBc2fcBTleH4IwuYkabR9fqMdfLO97MFX1kBs8AOkQxo-p5sThljRo4lPK1OP2mz6DMj125y3QQjjmDrqRJtdMe0qrh-8Y55H5M_NxPtnYVhNeg5c9n7F2yQ/s1600-h/owenhat.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBS8ChkJU6f_rlfQ91_MowBc2fcBTleH4IwuYkabR9fqMdfLO97MFX1kBs8AOkQxo-p5sThljRo4lPK1OP2mz6DMj125y3QQjjmDrqRJtdMe0qrh-8Y55H5M_NxPtnYVhNeg5c9n7F2yQ/s400/owenhat.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314956187466617394" /></a><br /><br />And lastly, I've been working extra shifts to support my new found habit...<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoTPALGQ0froFH7FK0Swkl_Ylr06N6O5dWfBpEtXx9tPXaV5Ug_s7DeYjZgVA83odTGjcjY-cJdzMHksmSxshxlVXWzlvkCNAA-r1LjIU8hozt5W5Q6T4Y6DlmogGWe8bj7VbXLuXn9KQ/s1600-h/pp.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 110px; height: 96px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoTPALGQ0froFH7FK0Swkl_Ylr06N6O5dWfBpEtXx9tPXaV5Ug_s7DeYjZgVA83odTGjcjY-cJdzMHksmSxshxlVXWzlvkCNAA-r1LjIU8hozt5W5Q6T4Y6DlmogGWe8bj7VbXLuXn9KQ/s400/pp.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314956698681768578" /></a><br /><br />That is, buying Vera Bradley purses! Next up, Purple Punch diaper bag... oh yeah!The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-20495619461078976802009-01-07T22:32:00.006-06:002009-01-07T23:09:26.006-06:00Better than XanaxAfter my third miscarriage in September of 2007, I had finally learned enough from the prior two losses to advocate for myself. You'd think as a nurse that after my first loss I would have known what to ask for, and to know enough to let my concerns be known. But, I was a naive patient on the other side of the fence.<br /><br />After my first two miscarriages I had terrible insomnia and anxiety afterwards. It didn't last that long, and I just learned to deal with it. <br /><br />Finally, after loss #3, (in which I was hospitalized over night and then told to go home and wait to lose the baby) I asked, no rather, I <em>demanded</em> a few days worth of Ambien and Xanax. They helped take the edge up so I could sleep and function as I started to heal physically and emotionally. <br /><br />During my pregnancy with Owen, there would be times where I was paralyzed with anxiety. Every stretch of my uterus brought irrational fear. With every trip to the bathroom evoked apprehension and a thorough inspection of the toilet paper. In the second and third trimester, I panicked when I didn't feel him move. Anyone who's been through pregnancy loss I'm sure can relate.<br /><br />Knowing I couldn't have a glass of wine, or take a pill to help me through these emotions, I looked for other ways to cope with the anxiety and stress I was experiencing. I prayed, and asked others' to pray for me and the baby. I reached out to my church family more than ever. I'm typically not one to ask for help, but I felt so desperate, I was willing to put myself out there.<br /><br />I also read a lot of Psalms. I listened to this hymn, Psalm 62, hundreds of times. I'm not kidding. It always brought me such a sense of calm. And now, when Owen is having one of his colicky moments, I put this song on and he starts calming down. I think he must recognize it from all the times he heard it in utero!<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/HAiGAyp22JI&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/HAiGAyp22JI&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-55972827236015968742009-01-06T09:00:00.003-06:002009-01-06T09:13:38.068-06:00Oh Oprah!Oprah, Oprah, Oprah! I just watched yesterday's start to "Best Life Week" on DVR. Seriously, all you have to offer me is "love yourself?!?" Haven't we heard this time and time again? Make yourself a priority? Dammit Oprah! I was hoping you found a magic potion of formula that at last, would be the answer to all our weight problems. <br /><br />I don't know if I can take weight loss advice from Oprah anymore. She didn't make herself a priority last year, and therefore didn't have time to work out, plan meals, etc., and got fat again. Seriously? <br /><br />I'm not working out right now because I'm cleaning my house, nursing my baby, taking down Christmas decorations (finally). If I had your money, I could hire people to do the majority of all this, and my fat ass could be at the gym! <br /><br />While I recognize that there are ways I could delegate more, and therefore have more time for myself, I don't think I would want to take that extra time and workout. Not because I don't love myself, but because I hate working out! I'd much rather be shopping, getting my nails done, catching up on my TiVo playlists or browsing Facebook.<br /><br />Please Oprah, find a magical bark in the rain forest that could be made into a supplement, and would magically shed the pounds! Don't tell me to love myself! <br /><br />End rant.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-8893653211542652922009-01-01T17:36:00.006-06:002009-01-01T21:14:23.567-06:00I'll think of EmilieI've been a tad over emotional today. And I admit, perhaps a tad irrational.<br /><br />I go back to work tomorrow. I've sat around all day today in my pajamas, holding and kissing my baby. I can't believe I have to be gone from him tomorrow for over 12 hours. Then, wake up and do it all over again on Saturday and Sunday. Over 36 long hours. My husband can't understand my crying over the situation. After all, both boys will be at home with my husband. They'll be well cared for and loved. But I want to be here with them. I want to steal kisses when ever I feel like it. Scoop up a boy of my choosing and give them a squeeze. I love the smell of my boys (yes, even the almost 6 year old!). And I am going to miss them.<br /><br />I think part of my issue is the very intensity of my job. As a hospice nurse, I have to be on my "A" game all the time. I won't be able to be of much help to a grieving family who is caring for their loved one, if my brain and my heart are at home, in my PJs, snuggling my baby. I have to be there for them in that moment. 100% of myself has to be in my job. <br /><br />In my self wallowing today, I've given much thought about how lucky I am to be here. In the most basic way, I am thankful that I live in Michigan, and I have a job to be going back to. <br /><br />I've also given much thought about fellow blogger <a href="http://lemmondrops.blogspot.com/">Emilie Lemmons</a>, and her recent passing. Emilie even commented on how "helpful" and "compassionate" hospice care was to her, in regards to them caring for her in her home. I thought about her hospice team, and how intense of a situation it would be to walk into the home of a beautiful family, with two baby boys losing their mother. I've been in similar situations, and it is draining, surreal, and rewarding in some strange way. So tomorrow, when I feel drained and stressed, I will try to think of Emilie and get through it.<br /><br />When I finally get home, I will not freak out if my husband forgot to put a onsie on the baby, or if Matthew ate PB&J for breakfast<em> and</em> lunch.<br /><br />I know that they will have been loved, and smooched, and cuddled, all while mommy was at work, hopefully making even the smallest difference in someone's life.<br /><br />So, if you see me in my car, in some parking lot, pumping my boobs, crying to Owen's lullaby CD, and kissing my PDA with these pics...<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv3qkBqTg4bLj3j0uxSyZ7A0I1DrD4BBlnpRHiHV7nmCkpIrF25wjjKsfmFu6am2HPRiYr_zF2MQm5U3WYjE6GNEPG6xD-Bh9fNXKYfIWaJelvMCUxMH5EWRAdf880UNsEik1vWO2MFvM/s1600-h/owenred4.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv3qkBqTg4bLj3j0uxSyZ7A0I1DrD4BBlnpRHiHV7nmCkpIrF25wjjKsfmFu6am2HPRiYr_zF2MQm5U3WYjE6GNEPG6xD-Bh9fNXKYfIWaJelvMCUxMH5EWRAdf880UNsEik1vWO2MFvM/s400/owenred4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286527423703376018" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyz7tszbQCE5Ha0zMemUIj2d5WqPTHvm6MtS0xuueRYcNBccDnzPtzzc8mwnjrgazMonpRpg-3WVxvfNqgC5Tmvsc9tvVWqUx56fvEedn-vox3ZNZv_M_zPixBKpke_brKwml358zwEqE/s1600-h/owensmile.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyz7tszbQCE5Ha0zMemUIj2d5WqPTHvm6MtS0xuueRYcNBccDnzPtzzc8mwnjrgazMonpRpg-3WVxvfNqgC5Tmvsc9tvVWqUx56fvEedn-vox3ZNZv_M_zPixBKpke_brKwml358zwEqE/s400/owensmile.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286527720061363810" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGNrY5pCWKB5H1CnwQks7H-u5gSwR00V9lGH4KPIR1N5yHwKwM0chj8HE-1TtPK-GGKfH5qwYh05o3dFBmZGzncT0aOj-q9Z4mKj1UVf7csJAlIko22wbL5JfzSapevTsXtQB9GRZObkk/s1600-h/crazymj.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGNrY5pCWKB5H1CnwQks7H-u5gSwR00V9lGH4KPIR1N5yHwKwM0chj8HE-1TtPK-GGKfH5qwYh05o3dFBmZGzncT0aOj-q9Z4mKj1UVf7csJAlIko22wbL5JfzSapevTsXtQB9GRZObkk/s400/crazymj.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286527961085203026" /></a><br /><br />please ignore me and cut me some slack... it's been a long, hard day!The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-65258702141389156212008-12-30T08:50:00.003-06:002008-12-30T08:58:18.984-06:00'Twas the season...We had a busy, but fun, Christmas back home in Illinois. After an 11 hour car ride to my in-laws (delays due to weather, should have been around 6), we finally arrived. We then spent Christmas Eve with them, and then drove another 2 hours to see my family. <br /><br />The boys' did <em>wonderful</em> in the car. Mommy, not so much. <br /><br />To sum up our travels...<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisgyk2sFm6A9vJD_Y8FmTsR2KZY13uCKWRFQtG_XplNpRmLz_wvhfBnm8JiioOUR8z5fWNW-CfiRUwxBoYXUo09SfMfLF_nV8xgaXML2YXWLWiIQq1kX_NiBYyOD50Emol-EOJPhJRDPM/s1600-h/crazyboys.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 268px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisgyk2sFm6A9vJD_Y8FmTsR2KZY13uCKWRFQtG_XplNpRmLz_wvhfBnm8JiioOUR8z5fWNW-CfiRUwxBoYXUo09SfMfLF_nV8xgaXML2YXWLWiIQq1kX_NiBYyOD50Emol-EOJPhJRDPM/s400/crazyboys.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5285597174991260738" /></a><br /><br />I go back to work this Friday, Jan. 2nd. I'm not ready, but I guess I need to be.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-10058602282277956772008-12-16T22:18:00.005-06:002008-12-16T22:44:09.870-06:00In case anyone was wondering...... the hustle and bustle of the holiday season and a colicky baby do not go well together. Just in case you didn't know that.<br /><br />I don't know... colic, reflux, adverse reaction to my dairy intake? This fussiness is all new to me. Matthew was the easiest baby. Not that Owen is <em>that</em> difficult, but around 7 or 8 at night he starts fussing. Now, I've heard of babies who cry for hours no matter what anyone does for them. But Owen is content to be held and "snacking" as I call it. He'll nurse, then take a 15 minute break, and want to nurse again. And, rather aggressively, I might add. Doctor said it sounds like colic. I just feel bad for the little guy. He's not a happy camper. I guess I'll keep trying to figure it out.<br /><br />Had my 6 week post-partum appointment today. I can't believe it's been 6 weeks! Had the ole birth control talk with my doctor... it was all I could do but practically burst out laughing mid-conversation. Me? Birth control? Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah!!<br /><br />Hubs was all adamant about Owen being our last. I was fine with that, as it is not as if we've had the best of luck fertility wise. Owen was an unexpected blessing. A true miracle. I feel so blessed that he is here with us. But, now we just aren't sure if we want to try again. I don't know if I'm strong enough to TTC. Who knows how long it would take us to conceive? And what if I had <em>another</em> miscarriage? Do we want to practice some sort of birth control, or just let "nature take it's course"? We just don't know.<br /><br />I feel selfish contemplating baby #3. I feel angry that infertility and pregnancy loss has made me scared to think of trying to conceive again. <br /><br />I guess once you're an infertile, you're always an infertile, no matter how many babies you have. It changes the fiber of your being forever. <br /><br />I am so grateful for the little men in my life. It was worth every tear and every heart ache. Infertility can't rob me of that.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggh4H1xw8LixGvCmpRtUNl7q8a8jFCZwwVeYgjmsVGRsrzZjGk6krJDh4JfBXrhyphenhyphenqL-8dfcgMLayX29RbNeUywgFXEkHsdo5Fgzesg0Zg4gFdWR8j-td6SYyTK9omWyp_uf_MWXZVYphY/s1600-h/of=50,480,480.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggh4H1xw8LixGvCmpRtUNl7q8a8jFCZwwVeYgjmsVGRsrzZjGk6krJDh4JfBXrhyphenhyphenqL-8dfcgMLayX29RbNeUywgFXEkHsdo5Fgzesg0Zg4gFdWR8j-td6SYyTK9omWyp_uf_MWXZVYphY/s400/of=50,480,480.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5280614924058655698" /></a>The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-53220841002996915262008-11-27T21:20:00.003-06:002008-11-27T21:28:59.551-06:00Giving ThanksI was going to write a list of all the things I am thankful for this year. But in doing so, I realized there would be far to many things to list. <br /><br />We have had our share of miracles this year...<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYOVKJQlU_lgyQ6wQCNy1SLWny5_6sA-slAvZh-WoiLeSU54u7qVu6XrLmcoq4okpOXyMQRcKXp8uMaucrb0i1GLF-1RqG7JFOosnHa07YBvyEWuRCDIjIdLJoML9mE6twoxZQI7KtBzE/s1600-h/turkey+owen.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYOVKJQlU_lgyQ6wQCNy1SLWny5_6sA-slAvZh-WoiLeSU54u7qVu6XrLmcoq4okpOXyMQRcKXp8uMaucrb0i1GLF-1RqG7JFOosnHa07YBvyEWuRCDIjIdLJoML9mE6twoxZQI7KtBzE/s400/turkey+owen.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5273543888594426578" /></a><br /><br />I don't know why we were blessed so much this year. But, we thank the Lord for hearing our prayers. We pray that we find a way to pay it forward.<br /><br />Praying for you and yours.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-18745237081402527832008-11-20T08:52:00.002-06:002008-11-20T09:39:14.214-06:00The Truth HurtsI've seen this around a while ago, and never got around to trying it. <br /><br /><tr><td colspan="2" style="background: white; color: black; padding: 5px;"><b style="font: bold 20px 'Times New Roman', serif; display: block; margin-bottom: 8px;">What American accent do you have?</b> <div style="font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 4px;">Your Result: <b>The Inland North</b></div><div style="width: 200px; background: white; border: 1px solid black;"><div style="width: 89%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;"> </div></div><p style="margin: 10px; border: none; background: white; color: black;">You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."</p></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">The Midland</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 55%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;"> </div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">The South</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 54%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;"> </div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">Philadelphia</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 53%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;"> </div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">North Central</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 49%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;"> </div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">The Northeast</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 45%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;"> </div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">The West</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 14%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;"> </div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">Boston</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 0%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;"> </div></div></td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" style="text-align: center; padding: 8px;"><a href="http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_american_accent_do_you_have"><b>What American accent do you have?</b></a><br><a href="http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz</a></td></tr></tablThe Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-71183270787013780072008-11-19T08:19:00.008-06:002008-11-19T08:35:45.826-06:00Ye Olde Abandon BlogHi... remember me? Fifteen weeks pregnant and freaking out with every twitch and every symptom (or lack there of).<br /><br />Yeah, I had to take a break from the blogosphere for a while (OK... more like 6 months!). <br /><br />I was googling and looking at every blog I could find about "miscarriage at 15 weeks." Or "lack of fetal movement at 17 weeks." This continued throughout the 2nd trimester. When I entered the 3rd trimester, I stopped going on the internet. It was hard, but I resisted. Apparently, I enjoy a form of self torture where I read other's stories of loss, and rationalize that if it happened to "them," it could happen to "me." Not exactly healthy to put myself in that frame of mind. <br /><br />So, I walked away. It was really hard, but I did it. <br /><br />And here it is mid-November. And guess what? I have a healthy, wonderful, miraculous 2 1/2 week baby boy. I'm still trying to figure out how that happened!<br /><br />Introducing... Owen Henry<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCHtiInx2TanPIVNqealIBKnyvwJlEFyJ56q7SusL80Il3C-M6Bs0P6Dsx7Tr-1hPBa8OgNVBHh3F7xHKBPkFVkkpbOvmXTShOCKJ_9EtpQQd4hyO23gMFUA2hJDo46NeUWwWNUafIu7k/s1600-h/owen+sleeping.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCHtiInx2TanPIVNqealIBKnyvwJlEFyJ56q7SusL80Il3C-M6Bs0P6Dsx7Tr-1hPBa8OgNVBHh3F7xHKBPkFVkkpbOvmXTShOCKJ_9EtpQQd4hyO23gMFUA2hJDo46NeUWwWNUafIu7k/s320/owen+sleeping.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5270375205118706594" /></a><br /><br />He was born on Halloween via scheduled C-section (thank God!), and weighed 9 lbs. 10 oz, and was 21 1/2 inches. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXhyFDzKQIhin1kQ6RBxrqFB5OvF2RK0U41N0emJ8R96Z7rUlDGFk2LKxIDvbPwH53Q3ApS8EMZT9MMNqF50Jq4UrNTGBziai3rETMBc6JyvlwJb8BhOxPywUCRok61JrWzYPlLwNKGnQ/s1600-h/pumpkin+owen.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXhyFDzKQIhin1kQ6RBxrqFB5OvF2RK0U41N0emJ8R96Z7rUlDGFk2LKxIDvbPwH53Q3ApS8EMZT9MMNqF50Jq4UrNTGBziai3rETMBc6JyvlwJb8BhOxPywUCRok61JrWzYPlLwNKGnQ/s320/pumpkin+owen.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5270375660239506386" /></a><br /><br />His big brother Matthew seems to be adjusting well...<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsn2OTpYUyF4tWE7Yp_R5hJy0wlYIoytZsDiG6pzGQKTU_W2UClo-5VNe1yXZGvqzxRbVJ9GsqE3As7e_qQmFAMXKztt652QD_-NuaWvYURIVtheN_Hz-L66wrLa0OgDsa-BNCT72GNhc/s1600-h/mjandowen.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsn2OTpYUyF4tWE7Yp_R5hJy0wlYIoytZsDiG6pzGQKTU_W2UClo-5VNe1yXZGvqzxRbVJ9GsqE3As7e_qQmFAMXKztt652QD_-NuaWvYURIVtheN_Hz-L66wrLa0OgDsa-BNCT72GNhc/s320/mjandowen.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5270375966786144418" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyZIcz_DPnMr46MpL-1At6X6-53OBkNJr1caYmTJuYfe3Ph2KL19_kyG7wb2cc08r2atbjFCl-gIA_x7Smtsr4w6b-cbeICKXM1lVVWEeUyVbULqzWnTechJJS_wUTfBJgzY1gNWn0Wn8/s1600-h/mjbigbro.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyZIcz_DPnMr46MpL-1At6X6-53OBkNJr1caYmTJuYfe3Ph2KL19_kyG7wb2cc08r2atbjFCl-gIA_x7Smtsr4w6b-cbeICKXM1lVVWEeUyVbULqzWnTechJJS_wUTfBJgzY1gNWn0Wn8/s320/mjbigbro.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5270376157335237970" /></a><br /><br />(and he's doing very well in Kindergarten!).<br /><br />Well, there you have it. A small but rather significant update. One I never thought I'd ever be posting... I am a mother of two. Weird. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that one. <br /><br />In the coming weeks, I'm gonna try a new blog layout, and really, really try to post often. No promises, but that's the plan. <br /><br />I hope to catch up with everything soon!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWKdzxuBtpHX3oKME8GK-fEPColTsknisQjE86kE59HgZSEGBfMWww5qupLMk-8QR_cFEdpPetIHCTOuf6nn2pSjSf8DSieGsDz7VC6hl291d9i3pS3maOD0GJQY2Jm-Xip9QizRShjGs/s1600-h/turkey+owen.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWKdzxuBtpHX3oKME8GK-fEPColTsknisQjE86kE59HgZSEGBfMWww5qupLMk-8QR_cFEdpPetIHCTOuf6nn2pSjSf8DSieGsDz7VC6hl291d9i3pS3maOD0GJQY2Jm-Xip9QizRShjGs/s320/turkey+owen.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5270376971380047266" /></a>The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-61459199234618450732008-05-20T08:30:00.002-05:002008-05-20T08:37:59.537-05:00I Hate This...Things have been going well on the pregnancy front. I'm 15 + weeks. <br /><br />But over the past 3 days I've been experiencing this "heaviness," or "sensation." I don't even know how to describe it. It's basically from my lower abdomen radiating to what I believe is my cervical area, and occasional "twinges" in the vajay-jay area. <br /><br />It's not cramping. It's not pain. It's just there. There to make worry, and make me all paranoid. <br /><br />I haven't had any spotting (knocking on wood). I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. He wasn't planning on doing an ultrasound, but I will ask to make sure everything is OK with my cervix. 2 weeks ago, it was great. So hopefully things will continue to go that way.<br /><br />I'm tired of worrying. It's exhausting. But I guess it's par for the course.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-35404868046936767322008-04-30T13:49:00.003-05:002008-04-30T14:00:12.529-05:00Feeling Like a FraudWell I did it. <br /><br />I went to K*hls and bought 2 pairs of maternity pants. A pair of jeans and a pair of dress pants for work. I got the jeans for $14 and the dress pants for $4.40 (on clearance!). I had to. None of my button up pants are buttoning-up. <br /><br />I'm coming to about the 13 week mark in this pregnancy. You might say it's a bit early for me to require maternity clothes. But the little bit my uterus has grown has pushed my fat out even further. So, it's mostly to make my fat more comfy. <br /><br />But it was the stranges sensation shopping in the maternity section. I really didn't want to. I considered just buying regular pants in a size or two bigger. Then I figured I'll have to move into maternity clothes at some point, so why not? Problem was it was like moving into sacred ground. Like when the cool kids in high school sat at the cool table in the cafeteria. And one day, they invite you to sit at the cool table. You've been waiting and waiting to sit at the cool table. Come to find out you like it, it just feels very ackward. And bit fraudulent.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-53808951429809535152008-04-23T08:41:00.005-05:002008-04-23T09:12:34.505-05:00Where we're at...Sorry for the lack of posting lately. Between being outside with Matthew all day enjoying the fabulous weather, and going to bed by 8:30 every night, I haven't had much time to do much of anything lately. Including laundry, dishes, and all that good stuff!<br /><br />So, I had another doctor's appt. yesterday. The first with my regular OB/GYN. It went really well. I had yet another ultrasound. The baby is measuring right around 11 1/2 weeks. I thought I had just hit the 11 week mark, so that was a pleasant surprise.<br /><br />My OB has decided to wean me off the prednisone at 12 weeks, stop the Progesterone at 12 weeks, and keep my on the Lovenox and aspirin as a sort of "safety net." We have no idea if this combination of drugs has made this pregnancy last as long as it has, but I didn't want to risk stopping the Lovenox and, well, have my first second trimester lost. That doesn't sound like much fun to me. <br />. <br />He also is having me come in for bi-weekly ultrasounds until about 16 weeks. Around 16 weeks, I'll come in for weekly ultrasounds for a few weeks to ensure my cervix is stable. Sounds good to me!<br /><br />He then got into whether or not I want to have a repeat C-section or try for a VBAC. I laughed. We concluded that perhaps we should wait until I'm way into the second trimester before we have that discussion.<br /><br />So all in all, things are going as well as they can. Other than being tired, I'm not having a lot of morning sickness or anything like that. Which is strange. I've always had pretty bad morning sickness w/ all four of my other pregnancies. I've been craving poptarts, which was what I pretty much survived on in college. Strange.<br /><br />Alrighty then. I think I might do a load or two of laundry. And then I'll have to take a nap!<br /><br />** Edited to add: There, I did it. To prove I do not believe in jinxes, I've added a pregnancy countdown thingy. I've always wanted to have one. So, I did it. I'm not jinxing myself, am I?!?The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-70829097593152326262008-04-14T12:20:00.002-05:002008-04-14T12:33:44.172-05:0010 weeksToday marks 10 weeks. It's becoming more and more difficult to restrain myself from getting excited. <br /><br />Except that with my last pregnancy, the 10 week mark is when all hell broke loose. I started spotting, and it was all down hill from there until I miscarried at 12 weeks. <br /><br />But I know that this is a whole new pregnancy. It is different then any pregnancy I've ever had. It's unique. I want to stop focusing on the past, and focus on the future. <br /><br />Anyway, I have my next ultrasound appointment a week from tomorrow.<br /><br />In other news, I bought a waxing kit and waxed my eyebrows. Why didn't I try this before?!? For years I've been plucking, or paying someone else to do the waxing for me. But for my first time, I think it went very well and will be doing it again in the future.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-64158249094494215312008-04-08T11:00:00.003-05:002008-04-08T12:41:09.338-05:00The Second Ultrasound...... went well! The baby is measuring right at 9 weeks. Heart rate was 156. It was even moving around! I've been released to my regular OB/GYN. I guess all is going well.<br /><br />I want to get more excited about this pregnancy. It's just that, as I've noted before, I've been down this road before. I've had many "great" ultrasounds. <br /><br />I hope I don't jinx myself when I say I have a certain "peace" over the past few days. I've just really come to realize that this whole thing is out of my hands. All I can do is take my medications as prescribed and pray. And I've been doing a lot both.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-10849253137120871242008-04-01T18:31:00.002-05:002008-04-01T18:40:42.368-05:00Obsessing, Sleeping, Worrying, and More SleepingThat about sum's up my last week.<br /><br />Nothing really going on. Which is good, I'm not complaining. But not much to report.<br /><br />I've been having some weird pelvic twitches?/pain?/pressure?/cramping? I have no idea how to classify what I'm feeling. It's only occasional. It's more like a keen awareness that I have a uterus. Dr. Google and DH seem to say this is normal. "Round ligament stretching." Golly, I hope that's all it is. You think I'd know what's normal by now, being this is my 5th pregnancy. But I haven't had too much of normal when it comes to the pregnancy department.<br /><br />Approx. 8 weeks today. The way I look at it, in a few weeks, I should know how this is all going to turn out, one way or another. Just a few short weeks. <br /><br />In the meantime, I'll keep sleeping. I'm so tired. How I long for my recliner and blanket. DH is taking good care of me. Hot fudge sundaes whenever I ask for them. Hey, I might as well enjoy the perks of pregnancy for as long as I can!The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-62590553978102638152008-03-26T15:09:00.003-05:002008-03-26T15:15:32.980-05:00GoodSo my ultrasound went well. I'm measuring just over 7 weeks. There was a heart beat. I'm just not an optimist. I want to be, but I just can't. But, I'll take the good news.<br /><br />There was a small fluid filled sac just outside of the gestational sac. My doctor said it's nothing to worry about. I've never had that before. I'd like to think that maybe the sac is filled with glue. Yeah, that's it. Baby glue.<br /><br />I'm also craving meat. In particular meat balls and meat loaf. I made DH stop by Subway after the appointment to get a meatball sub. I don't think I've ever had one of those before. But, it was like heaven on bread... mmmmmmm! Baby wants meat!<br /><br />I've decided I'm going to blame everything on the baby for now... might as well enjoy being pregnant in any facet I can!The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-73719290425797367412008-03-25T09:35:00.002-05:002008-03-25T09:39:24.653-05:00Tomorrow...Tomorrow is 1st ultrasound day. I'm scared, but relieved to get it over with. <br /><br />I anticipate everything will be "normal." My symptoms have escalated... I'm more nauseous and more tired than ever. <br /><br />What's frustrating is we could have a great ultrasound tomorrow. It might even get our hopes up a little.<br /><br />But I've had perfect ultrasounds before. <br /><br />So I'm looking at it as just one more hurdle to jump, in a really, really long race.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-68081258686523840862008-03-20T06:39:00.003-05:002008-03-20T06:47:49.540-05:00TodayToday was your due date. The doctors thought that you would be born around this day. So much would be different. You would be here. <br /><br />Today is the first day of spring... new beginnings. <br /><br />It seems as though I have another baby growing in me for the moment. This has made it hard to remember you. Not because I don't want too. But I am struggling with the same feelings of doubt that I had with you, and that I now have for your sibling.<br /><br />I know that when I get to Heaven, I will meet you there. All three of my little boys who I didn't get to meet here. This truly will be a great reward. <br /><br />Until then, I remember you. You have left an ever-lasting footprint on my heart. <br /><br />Love Always,<br />MommyThe Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-29563691813635192192008-03-18T18:50:00.002-05:002008-03-18T19:02:15.049-05:00Feeling NothingThis pregnancy has been pretty easy to ignore... minus the Lovenox injections & bruising they cause, and of course, the butt-load of pills I'm taking.<br /><br />I'm not really nauseous. Maybe a little more tired than usual. My boobs hurt occasionally. I am hungry all the time, but I think the Prednisone maybe partially to blame for that.<br /><br />My dates put me at 6 weeks today. I usually ovulate on day 16-17 of my cycle, so I think actually I'm just shy of 6 weeks. I wish I could have my ultrasound this week, verify if there's a heartbeat or not, and move on with my life.<br /><br />Although all 3 of my babies I've lost have had heartbeats at the first ultrasound. So, I guess it wouldn't bring me that much peace of mine. <br /><br />I just want to feel <em>something</em>. This is pregnancy #5 for me, and if I recall, I think my morning sickness usually really kicks in around week 8 or so. You think I'd be an expert by now. And I know all to well that morning sickness doesn't equal a healthy pregnancy. <br /><br />It's just so hard.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-36708290428560338742008-03-17T12:52:00.005-05:002008-03-17T13:14:44.580-05:00Not Risky EnoughSo, I just made my first OB appointment with my RE for Wednesday, March 26th.<br /><br />I then hung up and called a major University healthcare system here in Michigan. I simply wanted a second opinion on managing our pregnancy, given the fact no one has any idea why I keep miscarrying.<br /><br />So I called. Got a receptionist lady. I asked to make an appointment with the specific doctor a friend-of-a-friend referred me to. The receptionist asked why I need to see a "high-risk" physician. I state because I've had 3 recurrent pregnancy losses, and prefer not to have a 4th. I also told her I had unexplained secondary infertility. She asks when the losses occurred, and I tell her "9 1/2, 8, and 12 weeks." She states that would not qualify me as "high risk," and that at least one of the losses would have had to occurred after 22 weeks. Until then, I would start off as "low risk" and move to "high risk" if they deemed it appropriate. <br /><br />I don't know, but call me crazy. I've never made it far enough to fit their label of "high risk." What would one consider me? Seriously, low risk? I know, I know, scientists consider miscarriage is a "normal" part of pregnancy. I guess I thought that <em>three in a row</em>, plus <em>infertility</em>, would bump me up do a different category.<br /><br />I know I could fight it. Rant and rave and demand an appointment. I'm sure it could work. I just don't feel like fighting. And I know that there is no standard of care for people like me... people who lose babies for now apparent reason. I just wanted someone to tell me that they agree with my doctor's treatment plan. That there is nothing they would or would not do differently. <br /><br />As it stands now, my RE will probably see me until 8 weeks or so. Then he said he'd refer me to our friendly local maternal-fetal specialists. <br /><br />I guess I shouldn't get too upset. Perhaps I should wait and see what the results of our first ultrasound bring. To see if there is, indeed, something worth fighting for. <br /><br />Anyway, that whole conversation just pissed me off. Thanks for listening.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-39643311568258413202008-03-13T10:06:00.003-05:002008-03-13T14:26:51.940-05:00Hope?Just an update on all our happenings.<br /><br />My second round of labs came back today. Beta is doubling nicely. Progesterone on the lower end of normal, so I'm vaginal Progesterone, just to be on the safe side. <br /><br />I started my Lovenox injections and Prednisone yesterday. <br /><br />It's odd. I really am trying to ignore the fact that I am, indeed, pregnant. And am doing a pretty good job... although it is hard to ignore the pills, shots, vajayjay cream. <br /><br />It's an odd place to be. I don't want to acknowledge I'm pregnant. I want to detach myself completely. And that way, if the worse case scenario happens, I'm hoping it won't hurt as bad. <br /><br />But I can't help to have little glimpses of hope... I find myself daydreaming of baby names, of a due date, and nursery themes. Only to be smacked in the face of reality, knowing I've been in this same place now five times, and have only one child to show for it. <br /><br />For now, I am going to try to enjoy the little glimmers of hope that come and go. All the while, waiting for the other shoe to drop.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-73251993119010029442008-03-10T12:28:00.006-05:002008-12-13T04:09:47.470-06:00Not-So Comfortably NumbLook what I did this morning:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRJQFgEqxxVIYqGguTFA7dh7Qe2N6KqvW5g_qlXVbV-TLuNX2Rl_Wpc1bz46LQQmlk862LqUx0sRLoF44VK5wEuhbvOt7yc_0CByrm9qrVcdZW7E_BE8PEHljarcW9mhorkPtxlEna9-0/s1600-h/002.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRJQFgEqxxVIYqGguTFA7dh7Qe2N6KqvW5g_qlXVbV-TLuNX2Rl_Wpc1bz46LQQmlk862LqUx0sRLoF44VK5wEuhbvOt7yc_0CByrm9qrVcdZW7E_BE8PEHljarcW9mhorkPtxlEna9-0/s200/002.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176170649473168866" /></a><br /><br /><br />In case you can't tell, yes, it is a positive pregnancy test. Excuse the pee on my desk. <br /><br />All I can say is, what the hell?<br /><br />I have no emotion. Just numb. <br /><br />Do you want to see something else??<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOxsSS4Ii3748XZd5lG1nRrSBFmBi7a8P_veiD9rbwOa3ZZRVz72vZaHxq6Hm7PLgAjYPMiDf0kXP9ggxzE0PHYY360PqxToYYb1XeEjQpfR-RYckX2LoQox-PzGE4o4qBlilmyz2q5EE/s1600-h/028.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOxsSS4Ii3748XZd5lG1nRrSBFmBi7a8P_veiD9rbwOa3ZZRVz72vZaHxq6Hm7PLgAjYPMiDf0kXP9ggxzE0PHYY360PqxToYYb1XeEjQpfR-RYckX2LoQox-PzGE4o4qBlilmyz2q5EE/s200/028.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176169318033307090" /></a><br /><br />Matthew drew this family portait on Thursday. You can see me, clearly the one with the crazy hair. DH has ears, and Matthew looks just like DH, just sans ears. See that other smiley? I asked him when he gave me the drawing who that was... he said, "A baby." <br /><br />I can only hope he's right. Please be right.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-37224563176618115192008-03-06T19:58:00.005-06:002008-03-06T20:19:19.538-06:00Well... that was sucky!A few sucky things. <br /><br />1) <a href="http://lifeslittlesurprises2007.blogspot.com/2008/02/distractions.html">Luke</a> got voted off American Idol tonight. I kind of knew it was coming. Frankly, he had a poor performance this week. It doesn't seem like many folks in cyberspace were pulling for him. It was nice to be rooting for someone I once knew, as it added a certain element to watching the show. I'll have to watch next week to come up with a new fav.<br /><br />2) I believe Aunt Flo is on her way. Funny, I actually thought we stood a chance this cycle. Although, thinking back, I think we only did the deed once around the time I was ovulating due to DH's ebola-like virus and business travels. You think I'd have no hope left after 4 years of TTC, yet here I am still holding on. Either I'm a hopeless TTCer, or just plain stupid. <br /><br />3) We had a playdate today with two of Matthew's preschool buddies. So that was <strong>THREE</strong> boys. Note to self and anyone else who might care: Do Not do playdates with an odd number of children! Somebody always gets left out... and in this case it was my boy. Oh, it broke my heart! Basically, it was my son's own fault. The other boys wanted to play Power Rangers. Matthew doesn't like Power Ranger's, and wanted to play Monster Trucks (go figure!). So the two boys played Power Rangers, and Matthew played with the trucks by himself. For the most part, he was fine with it. I tried to have him switch gears and play with the other boys, but he is a little head strong (don't know where he got that from!) His "best buddy" also made a comment about how he "doesn't like Matthew and likes Johnny (not his real name) better." Matthew stood there dumbfounded, and quickly got over it. Me, not so much! I know they are 5 years old, and have no idea the weight their actions and words have on other people. But as a mother, you might as well have torn my heart right out of my chest. Top all of this with a touch of PMS, and well, you have one nasty MaMa bear who just wants to protect her cub. Sucky.<br /><br />4) <a href="http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/entertainment/2004263805_eye06.html">Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer!?! </a> I have no words.<br /><br />5) We're suppose to get 12 inches of snow this weekend. Sucky, sucky, sucky.<br /><br />6) I have to work this weekend. In the snow storm. Driving all over God's creation. Fun.The Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1542653277461586747.post-55466685019472652752008-02-28T21:16:00.003-06:002008-02-28T22:21:02.930-06:00Dear Body...<a href="http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2008/02/letter-to-my-body.html">Dear Body</a>,<br />You've been used. You've been abused.<br /><br />But you know what? You deserve it!<br /><br />You've hurt me more than I've hurt you. I'm typically not one to hold onto grudges very long. But I cannot forgive you.<br /><br />Perhaps you cannont forgive me either.<br /><br />We use to be close. Now, I am willing to take some of the responsibility for us parting ways. Yes, I use to run 5 miles a day. But, things change, you know.<br /><br />I'm no longer the 20 something college student with hardly a care in the world.<br /><br />No, I am now 31 year old, I have a kid, a marriage, and a stressful job. It seems you don't take this into consideration. I'm overweight, stressed, and sleep deprived. <br /><br />You can't say I don't <strong>try</strong>. I AM <strong>TRYING</strong>!! I'm <strong>trying</strong> to reconcile. For the past month, I'm eating high fiber, low fat, and limiting my calories. I'm <strong>trying</strong> to excercise. <br /><br />I really hope you start to appreciate my efforts. In addition to the above attempts at reconcilation, I'm also taking supplements to help YOU feel better. <br /><br />You have never been reliable. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, the whole fertility and miscarriage subject. Remember?<br /><br />See that's the thing... I can't seem to get over that minor detail of my life. <br /><br />I forgave you after the first miscarriage. I thought it would never happen again.<br /><br />Then came the infertility, and this is when you started to fail me!<br /><br />We tried, and tried, and tried, but you wouldn't help me. I went to the doctor. They couldn't help me. I can't say I was ever overly confident of the doctor, but I expected more from you.<br /><br />I then fell into a depression. I gained weight. I thought you'd show mercy on me. And you did... for 8 1/2 weeks.<br /><br />A "miracle" pregnancy. Remember that one? I was being prepped to go to the OR. Remember that nice dermoid cyst on my left ovary you created? Yeah, the one with fat and thyroid tissue? Yeah, that was fun. And they did a pregnancy test before surgery and, low and behold, after 2 years of TTC I was pregnant! And the whole pre-op department was cheering, and laughing, and happy for us? I just knew that pregnancy was meant to be!<br /><br />Only it wasn't. <br /><br />I've had it! The last straw was this past September. Another "miracle" pregnancy that lasted 12 weeks. The baby was alive hours before I miscarried! What the hell happened? Why was my cervix so thin? Now I can't even trust my cervix?!? <br /><br />Is it a clotting disorder? Is it immunological? Is it PCOS? You have no answers.<br /><br />I'm sorry to rehash all of this. I just can't trust you anymore. I suppose you can't trust me either.<br /><br />But I will try, Body, I will try to respect you more. I am recommiting myself to you. We have to learn to live with each other. I will lose weight, and get more sleep, and excercise more. I'll take my vitamin supplements in hopes that we both gain something.<br /><br />2008 is still new. Let's both make an effort to rekindle what we once had. <br /><br />Thanks for Listening,<br />JenThe Mrs.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13900609087419254867noreply@blogger.com1