Greetings from Chicago

I'm back in my home town this weekend. Yea!! It's so nice to come home sometimes.

I decided this would be a good weekend to visit, as I won't be coming home over Thanksgiving. Or, at least I'm not coming home for Thanksgiving. Why you might ask? Because I'll be working a single shift on Thanksgiving day, a double shift on Friday-Sunday. It's gonna kick my ass.

What I wouldn't do for a baby! Hopefully, the extra money I earn will help a little.

Speaking of baby, I saw my new niece yesterday. She's 7 weeks old. I felt really prepared to hold a new baby. I felt enough time had passed since this miscarriage that it wouldn't hurt that bad.

I was wrong.

It was all I could do to fight back the tears. I didn't cry (thank God), but it was hard. No crazy impulses to kidnap the baby (I hope you all know I'm kidding when I mention that... but sometimes I wonder if I am a little unstable!). It was difficult holding something that I should have in March... a few short months from now.

I know I need to get over it. I wish I could. Holding this precious new baby made me realize how badly I do want another child. It is worth the struggle and the hardship. But am I strong enough? Am I strong enough to try an IVF cycle... hope I get pregnant... and then hope I don't have a miscarriage.? Am I strong enough to ride the roller-coaster of adoption?

God, I hope so.