In case anyone was wondering...

... the hustle and bustle of the holiday season and a colicky baby do not go well together. Just in case you didn't know that.

I don't know... colic, reflux, adverse reaction to my dairy intake? This fussiness is all new to me. Matthew was the easiest baby. Not that Owen is that difficult, but around 7 or 8 at night he starts fussing. Now, I've heard of babies who cry for hours no matter what anyone does for them. But Owen is content to be held and "snacking" as I call it. He'll nurse, then take a 15 minute break, and want to nurse again. And, rather aggressively, I might add. Doctor said it sounds like colic. I just feel bad for the little guy. He's not a happy camper. I guess I'll keep trying to figure it out.

Had my 6 week post-partum appointment today. I can't believe it's been 6 weeks! Had the ole birth control talk with my doctor... it was all I could do but practically burst out laughing mid-conversation. Me? Birth control? Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah!!

Hubs was all adamant about Owen being our last. I was fine with that, as it is not as if we've had the best of luck fertility wise. Owen was an unexpected blessing. A true miracle. I feel so blessed that he is here with us. But, now we just aren't sure if we want to try again. I don't know if I'm strong enough to TTC. Who knows how long it would take us to conceive? And what if I had another miscarriage? Do we want to practice some sort of birth control, or just let "nature take it's course"? We just don't know.

I feel selfish contemplating baby #3. I feel angry that infertility and pregnancy loss has made me scared to think of trying to conceive again.

I guess once you're an infertile, you're always an infertile, no matter how many babies you have. It changes the fiber of your being forever.

I am so grateful for the little men in my life. It was worth every tear and every heart ache. Infertility can't rob me of that.

Ye Olde Abandon Blog

Hi... remember me? Fifteen weeks pregnant and freaking out with every twitch and every symptom (or lack there of).

Yeah, I had to take a break from the blogosphere for a while (OK... more like 6 months!).

I was googling and looking at every blog I could find about "miscarriage at 15 weeks." Or "lack of fetal movement at 17 weeks." This continued throughout the 2nd trimester. When I entered the 3rd trimester, I stopped going on the internet. It was hard, but I resisted. Apparently, I enjoy a form of self torture where I read other's stories of loss, and rationalize that if it happened to "them," it could happen to "me." Not exactly healthy to put myself in that frame of mind.

So, I walked away. It was really hard, but I did it.

And here it is mid-November. And guess what? I have a healthy, wonderful, miraculous 2 1/2 week baby boy. I'm still trying to figure out how that happened!

Introducing... Owen Henry



He was born on Halloween via scheduled C-section (thank God!), and weighed 9 lbs. 10 oz, and was 21 1/2 inches.



His big brother Matthew seems to be adjusting well...





(and he's doing very well in Kindergarten!).

Well, there you have it. A small but rather significant update. One I never thought I'd ever be posting... I am a mother of two. Weird. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that one.

In the coming weeks, I'm gonna try a new blog layout, and really, really try to post often. No promises, but that's the plan.

I hope to catch up with everything soon!