Just Too Risky

Happy '08... it's just gotta be great! That's my new thinking.

So I got my period on New Year's Day. Happy New Year to me. It was fine. I mean, come on... after TTC for 4 years, you get use to disappointment. But, I did have a sliver of hope. A tiny, tiny sliver.

Things just have to get better, right? I mean, I am really happy with most aspects of my life. It's just on the fertility front, not so much.

All I can think about is "the next step." It haunts me. I wake in the middle of the night, and it comes to the forefront of my mind.

It plagues me. My husband just got a new job. Should we keep my insurance that offers some IF coverage? Or do we switch to the new insurance? I just love Human Resources' Benefit explanations... I think they purposely try to confuse you so you don't dare try to seek IF treatment. Can someone tell me what the hell this means?:
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Infertility care:
Note: Fertility Drugs are subject to a total covered charge of $5,000 per person per Calendar Year.

In-Network: $25 co-pay per visit, then paid at 100% for only those procedures which support the use of Fertility Drugs

Out-of-Network: 50% for only those procedures which support the use of Fertility Drugs
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WTF?

Well, I suppose I could call HR and ask, but in my experience, the average person sitting behind a desk in HR doesn't know specifics regarding IF/IVF coverage.

And there was nothing regarding adoption assistance in this packet of information. It just covered Health & Dental insurance. I just wanted an answer. I guess what's a little more waiting?

Since AF made an appearance, I was looking into IVF shared risk programs. Apparently, I do not qualify for most of these programs anymore since we hit miscarriage #3. I done gone and f'd that up, too. Just too big of a risk. Great. If it's too big of a gamble for these companies, maybe it's too big of a gamble for us? I don't know.

So where does this leave us? We have no idea if DH's new job will cover IUI or IVF. I don't qualify for a shared risk program. And we have no idea as to whether or not is new company offers any type of adoption assistance.

I'm tired.