Angry?

I was cleaning my sty of a kitchen. I accidentally knocked a glass off from the counter. It broke into a thousand little pieces. My almost-five-year-old, although I still prefer to call him my four year-old, rushed into see what happened. I sternly told him to stay back, as to not step on any of the broken glass. I must have sounded angry to him, as he replied, "Mommy, why are you so angry at God?"

I'm not kidding, that's what he said.

I quickly ran to him and gave him a hug. I apologized for my tone, and explained I didn't want him to get hurt. I tried to inquire more about his statement... "Do you think I'm angry?..." "Why would I be mad at God?" I got nothing except, "Can I watch my shows now." So much for having a deep conversation with a four year old.

Alas, it did get me thinking. Am I angry with God? Perplexed by God?... yes. Confused with God?... yes. But I don't think angry. After my first miscarriage, I can say with certainty I was angry with God. But now, I think I'm over that. I don't think that God has cursed me with infertility and three miscarriages. I think that shit happens sometimes. Shit has happened to me.

As for the perplexity and confusion... I still wonder... Why would God let a 15 year old... a drug addict... an abuser (fill in the blank)... have a child? Why let the child suffer in the hands of the people? There are so many people who are begging for a child, and can't have one... So I do wonder, "Why?"

I don't know, maybe he's on to something.

More on this subject later....