Men

May I vent a little? OK, maybe more than a little.

We lost our baby 4 weeks and 2 days ago (not that I'm keeping track). Strangely, I feel back to "normal." I think I ovulated this week, and got to observe all of those wonderful signs. I wonder when AF will show. Have to schedule an appointment with my RE. Aaaah, things are back to normal. Only, I despise normal!

I've yet to schedule an appt. with my RE since the miscarriage. I'm dreading talking about it AGAIN, only to be told there were no apparent reasons as to why I lost the baby. AGAIN. This is especially the case since I don't think I want to pursue further fertility treatments. Of course, I'll probably change my mind tomorrow.

So, I've been really researching International adoption. Particularly, adoption from Russia. If I could, I think I'd leave tomorrow if our paperwork and finances were in order. Maybe I should see what my husband thinks about that. Which leads me to my problem...

Why the hell don't men talk, share, research, obsess, and focus all their energy on one thing? This has become my focus. I have to come up with a plan, crunch the numbers, research time lines, and learn a few words in Russian.

DH and I talked a little about adoption immediately after the miscarriage. We both agreed things were too raw, and that we would talk about our plans in the future.

Well, the future is now. It's here. I want to get the ball rolling.

I again broached the subject with DH tonight. My plans are to work a bunch of extra shifts over the next few months and try to pay off some bills. Work on my web-store and maybe earn a little extra money for the adoption expenses. The bulk of adoption would be paid for by the money we could pull out of our 401K. We could start the home study process in the beginning of 2008. See, I have a plan.

I decided that, perhaps, I should let DH in on my plan. We talked about it. For a little while. He just doesn't want to delve into as much as I do.

Is this one of the many differences between a man and a woman? Or is this just my DH not on the same page as I am? Will he ever be on the same page?

Anyone have any suggestions? Are there any books out there on men and adoption?

I'm not sure what to do or what to think.