Musings on AF

AF reared her ugly head this past Wednesday. First time since the miscarriage. 6 weeks to the day since the D&C... with all 3 miscarriages, AF has always showed 6 weeks to the day. Faithful old friend.

With AF came yet another not-so-subtle reminder that I'm not pregnant, I will not be having a baby in March, and that there is seemingly no baby in sight.

So, now that I've officially had "one full cycle," it's rekindled emotions of trying again. I've been avoiding my RE. I have no desire to meet with him and rehash everything that has happened. I have no desire to call the receptionist and explain why I need an appointment. I have no desire to see the befuddled looked of the office staff when they see my face in the waiting room. I have no desire.

I'm so discouraged about the process of adoption. I'm inpatient. I want to submit paperwork and have a baby/child in a couple of months, not a 9 months-2+ years later. Haven't we waited long enough? I'm also broke, so that adds to the problem.

I suppose an appointment with the RE wouldn't hurt. I could hear what our options are. But, do I really feel like paying our co-pay to hear what I already know? I should just get it over with.

I feel like I'm on the teeter-totter from hell. Adoption-treatments-adoption-treatments... it doesn't seem to stop in my mind.

Today is CD 4. Do I really need to keep track anymore? Ugh.

In other random news, I dyed my hair yesterday! 4 inch roots gone! I had planned to get my hair touched up back in July (it was long past due even then), and then got my BFP, and of course, wouldn't dare let hair dye near me. Then I was pregnant for 12 weeks. Now I been un-pregnant for 6 weeks. So, it was time. I dyed it all brown, a shade or two darker than my natural color. Darker... hmmm... subconscious irony, perhaps? Perhaps.